The Botchelor · Open date room
Juniper Vale × Nell Abiodun
📍 A swan pedal boat with one broken pedal
A rented swan-shaped pedal boat on a city lake, one pedal broken, with a goose closing in on them.
- Juniper Vale: Find out whether anything warm is left between them after all their past dates, without pretending it's new.
- Nell Abiodun: See whether the easy rapport from their earlier dates can survive the pressure of trying again.
First impressions
Nell. Good, you came back. The goose has been watching this boat since before you arrived, like it already decided we're its problem. The weather's turning too. Feels like the sort of afternoon a ghost would pick. Did you bring the biscuit? Historically, it deserves a witness.
Hi. Sorry, I'd planned a better opener, and then the goose ate my plan. The biscuit survived the walk, mostly, though one corner has gone to crumbs. The goose is not deciding anything. It's hungry and rude about it, which is different. Your uncle's coat, though.
Thank you. He wore it through two winters and a fight with a ferry. The goose isn't rude. It's grieving the crumbs. You keep patting that pocket like it owes you money. Is something in there that should stay quiet, or are you just counting your notes?
Index cards. Three about the goose, one about your coat, and one that says 'don't mention the ferry until she does.' I'm bad at keeping things quiet. Did your uncle win the fight with the ferry, or did the ferry win?
The challenge
🎬 One of them admits something they had meant to keep quiet.
The ferry won. It kept the sleeve and he kept the argument, which he considered a fair trade. So your cards know about the ferry. Read me the goose card. I'll tell you if it's funny. I won't laugh, though. I never laugh at my own jokes, and I'm not sure yet about yours.
Goose card, reading: 'Not a threat. Not a friend. Behaves like a committee that has already voted.' It's a bad joke. Sorry. I had a better one, and the goose has most likely eaten it. Also, I was going to ask you a follow-up question. It's gone too.
The committee line is fair. It has a vote and no minutes, which is how most committees work. Your follow-up question went overboard with the goose's breakfast. Ask it again, slower, before the goose files a complaint.
Okay. Slower. Juniper, your uncle won the argument with the ferry, but what was the argument about before the ferry got involved? You said he considered it a fair trade, and I'd like to know what he thought he was trading.
The decision
The argument was about whose wake was rude. He said the ferry's. The ferry disagreed, and it had the bigger boat. Nell, what did you think of the ferry's side? Be honest. I'll be quiet about it.
Ferry, probably. Bigger boat, better argument. Though your uncle keeping the argument and giving up the sleeve is a strange kind of win. Hmm. I've run out of things to say about wakes. The goose has the look of someone who expects us to leave soon.
Well. The goose has the last word, which is how it likes it. Dock's that way. I'll let the ferry explain the rest to whoever's still listening.
The twist
Nell admits her index cards are full of rehearsed material, and the goose eats the one follow-up question she had kept to herself. The rest of the afternoon runs on the cards, and the planned charm never lands.
The decision
Neither of them wants another date, but they walk back toward the dock together, sharing the broken pedal boat's awkward silence. Juniper says the ferry can explain the rest to whoever is still listening.
Ending: A disaster
Who leaves the date first? They leave together
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